Social

Anyone who knows me IRL knows that I'm not the most gregarious person on the planet.  I'm not a true introvert, and I am capable of socializing and even enjoying it, but I don't generally need that much interaction from other people.  One of my goals in life is to fly under the radar, avoid being too noticeable. 

But being a stay-at-home mom can be kind of lonely.  I get tons of attention - more than I really want - but it's more of the demanding type: "Mommy, me need sumpin'!  Make me sumpin'."  Or "Mommy, look me do!"  I can't go to the bathroom without an audience of at least two (dog, child), but the conversation around here isn't too advanced.   

So. 

Last summer while I was out walking I noticed a little boy playing in a yard about a block and a half from here.  He was doing all of the things Max was doing, so I asked his dad, also in the yard, how old he was.  He's two months older than Max.  Immediately I thought, "Bingo!  Potential play date material."  The problem was, his mom worked, and I know it's kind of pointless to ask a working mom if she wants to do a play date.  She's bound to be busy all week and probably wants to do family things on the weekend.  Also, if her child is in daycare, play dates are pretty unnecessary: he's getting all of the socialization he needs with the kids at daycare.  But this lady was also pregnant.  I nurtured a hope that she might stay home after the baby was born, and then Max might be able to have a neighborhood friend.  

The fall passed.  The winter dragged on.  We've been terribly cooped up, and Max sometimes desperately needed an energy outlet but didn't really have one, especially one locally (not necessitating driving to get there).  The other day I was walking again and the little boy and his mom were out in the yard making a snowman.  She smiled and said hello, and, unobtrusive as I try to be, I smiled and almost walked on.  Then I remembered all of those days with Max bouncing off the walls.  So I crossed the street.

Crossed the street.  Amazing, if you know me.  I just don't do this sort of thing.  Desperation drives us all to acts we can't predict.  I went over and introduced myself, chit-chatted a bit, and brought up the subject of a play date.   And the little boy's mom, N., was very enthusiastic.  A kindred spirit mom: someone else who'd been putting up with a lot of wall bouncing lately.  She asked if I wanted to get together on Friday.  And so Friday morning Max and I walked over there and spent a very nice couple of hours socializing with N. and T.  Max was shy at first but eventually warmed up.  T. had all kinds of toys Max hadn't played with and was something moving (and less boring than Mom) to watch.  As for me it was stimulating to be with other college-educated SAHM's who wanted to talk about things other than potty-training or Blue's Clues.  Sometimes when you're in the SAHM groove, you forget you have a brain.  Most of the work is pretty manual and repetitive, and nobody around here cares that I graduated from the University of Michigan with a Russian degree.  All that is superfluous to the process of making a peanut butter sandwich or putting a bandaid on Tunie.

I got to chat with other moms about the school options around here and the decision to stay home and pick their brains about quirky toddler behaviors and how to deal with them.  It was really nice.  I even got a flyer to go to an open house for the local Montessori school.  Max will be in pre-school in the fall, after all.

I sincerely hope we can do this again.  N. and I exchanged phone numbers, and I definitely intend to call. 

Then Sunday J. and I had a couple of friends over for dinner and a game night.  In the past year we've gotten to know PJ and AM pretty well, and I feel lucky that they are now in our lives.  I get together with AM about once week; we have a lot in common, and it's so nice to have a new friend.  When I was working I got most of my socializing out at work with coworkers and people I knew in the library, but after I quit, I stopped seeing them.  35 minutes is too far to drive just to say, "Hi."  I wonder that I once drove it everyday.  When I quit and stayed home, there were changes galore.   I was too caught up in the baby stuff to realize right away how much I just missed talking to people.  Now that I'm getting out and going to lunch or dinner or going thrift shopping with AM, I notice and am glad to be socializing again.

I'm glad and thankful for our new friends.