Not chosen

So that couple I mentioned awhile back - the one that was looking at our profile? - they didn't pick us.  I'm not sure what happened, but the social worker on the other end took nearly three weeks to tell us this news. 

I am feeling rejected.   And dejected.  And discouraged.  And about ready to give up.  Right now, I feel pretty certain this isn't going to happen for us.  And to add further complication, I'm not even sure I want it to.  Max has been bouncing on my last nerve for days.  Weeks.  I think this is partly because, with the longer days as we near the summer solstice, he's getting so much less sleep, and, therefore, I'm getting so much less sleep.  And the days with Max are, therefore, lengthening too.   He is so loud, bossy, and demanding; he gives me the Dwight hard sell on everything, just everything.   Yesterday I took him garage sale-ing with me, and he was talking a steady stream, trying to get me to buy this, that, and the other thing.  It was kind of cute:  "Mom, look at this teapot.  Our teapot is white and kinder borin'.  This one is all colorful and nice.  It's blue.  It's much better.  Let's get it.  Can we buy it?  Okay, we're getting it.  Let's go!"  

This, admittedly, is kind of cute, but two hours of non-stop hard sell wears on your brain.  It gets so you can't think anymore.  Sometimes I can't remember things with effort that just a few years ago would have come instantly to mind.

Today in the car Max's routine wasn't so funny.  Halfway to my parents' house, Max's seatbelt came unbuckled.  I'm on the highway going 55, about to enter a 70 mph zone, and he's yelling from the backseat his predicament.  So I'm mentally trying to solve this problem, drive in traffic, and he's giving me a constant top-of-his-voice monologue: "MOM!  MY SEATBELT IS UNBUCKLED!  STOP THE CAR!  WHAT IF WE GET IN AN AKSERDENT!?!  I COULD GET DEAD!  I'M NOT SAFE BACK HERE!"  Over and over and over and over.

I'm just tired.  I feel like a loser for saying this, but some days having one kid kicks my ass.  I must be personally deficient.  I don't know how moms with batches of kids do it.  Maybe this couple who didn't pick us sensed this from our profile, and that's why they didn't pick us.