RSS Add-Me
grerp: the PERSONAL side of AAR Rachel
Is everyone pregnant?
posted Monday, 24 May 2004
Does it seem like everyone is having a baby?
First there's this week's People magazine. Overkill on this in a big way. I think this is like the bazillionth story they've run on Kate Hudson's pregnancy and childbirth. Ugh.
Then my mom tells me K. is pregnant. This makes the second baby for her and every single one of my cousins. J. and I are the only "couple" now in my entire family. Even thought I am happy for K. and G. (they were worried her Crohn's and a strange infection would interfere with her trying to get pregnant again), this news made me want to go home and slit both of my wrists. Why is it so easy for them and not for us? Why, why, why? Why does this have to be so incredibly hard for us?
Then last night at mass I spent the whole hour seething at God and looking at the family a few rows ahead of us. They had seven children and the cutest little baby girl. She had two little blond pig tails and huge blue eyes. She was exactly on target for her age, developmentally. Quick and bright. No FAS. No RAD. No parasites. No developmental delays. Attached and bonded to her family. A part of me wanted to snatch her up and run with her out of the church. This family had six other children and we only want one. It hardly seemed fair.
There's a mom in the library right now. She's pregnant with her fifth kid. It's all I can do not to glare at her.
I hate waiting for Max and being so scared about what he's going to be like - whether he'll have serious issues we won't even know about until we get him home and settled. One woman posted on one of my adoption boards last week that her little girl, home for just one month, has just been diagnosed with AIDS. I can't get that out of my head.
People say to me, "It's going to be fine. It'll all work out." But no one really knows. I'm sure that woman thought everything would be fine too. And it isn't fine. Not at all.
First there's this week's People magazine. Overkill on this in a big way. I think this is like the bazillionth story they've run on Kate Hudson's pregnancy and childbirth. Ugh.
Then my mom tells me K. is pregnant. This makes the second baby for her and every single one of my cousins. J. and I are the only "couple" now in my entire family. Even thought I am happy for K. and G. (they were worried her Crohn's and a strange infection would interfere with her trying to get pregnant again), this news made me want to go home and slit both of my wrists. Why is it so easy for them and not for us? Why, why, why? Why does this have to be so incredibly hard for us?
Then last night at mass I spent the whole hour seething at God and looking at the family a few rows ahead of us. They had seven children and the cutest little baby girl. She had two little blond pig tails and huge blue eyes. She was exactly on target for her age, developmentally. Quick and bright. No FAS. No RAD. No parasites. No developmental delays. Attached and bonded to her family. A part of me wanted to snatch her up and run with her out of the church. This family had six other children and we only want one. It hardly seemed fair.
There's a mom in the library right now. She's pregnant with her fifth kid. It's all I can do not to glare at her.
I hate waiting for Max and being so scared about what he's going to be like - whether he'll have serious issues we won't even know about until we get him home and settled. One woman posted on one of my adoption boards last week that her little girl, home for just one month, has just been diagnosed with AIDS. I can't get that out of my head.
People say to me, "It's going to be fine. It'll all work out." But no one really knows. I'm sure that woman thought everything would be fine too. And it isn't fine. Not at all.
comments