Confession

Saturday afternoon I went to confession. I hadn't gone in a long time, over a year. But I finally got to a place where I wasn't angry and I could give my conscience a good, thorough examination. The priest was very nice. He said that his sister was older and trying to have a baby and that last year after trying for so long had had a miscarriage. It was very sad to hear that.

I know that for so long I was completely obsessed with the goal of getting pregnant, and each month it didn't happen I got angrier and angrier. It seemed so incredibly wrong and unfair. Steeping myself in that anger pretty much alienated me from God, at least on an emotional level. But now that we are adopting, I have a new focus and can look back at the last year without feeling that rage, without feeling that we were ill-treated on a cosmic level. It's a good feeling not to feel so bad anymore, if that makes sense.