Anniversary blues

I've always had kind of a hard time with anniversaries of sad events. Sometimes I don't even realize that's what it is until I get to the day of, and then it hits me.  Next week is the anniversary of my finding out I was pregnant and then subsequently miscarrying. It's been going through my mind some. Actually, the anniversary of the day I miscarried - January 7 - is the day of the first home study session with our social worker. It first I thought that was appropriate, this adoption being a new beginning and all, but now I'm hoping I don't get down in the dumps between then and now.

I remember how incredibly excited I was when I saw those two pink lines on the stick test. Both J. and I were over the moon. We told everyone we knew. Within hours I had the baby name books out. I went to the grocery store and bought all healthy foods (some of which, BTW, are still in permafrost in the chest freezer I believe). I talked to my stomach. I sang to my stomach. And then I started to bleed.

I remember crying all the way to work from the doctor's office and then all the way home. I suppose that's ridiculous considering I only knew I was pregnant for 4 days, but after trying for so long and then succeeding, it was devastating.

I'm just going to have to try to buck up here and concentrate on the now.